My sister got married a few weeks ago, and as is customary, my father was to give a speech at the wedding.
I could tell that he was very daunted by this responsibility, and so a couple of days before the big day, I asked him how he was getting on. He showed me a few lines he had scribbled on a piece of paper. They went along the lines of: ‘it gives us great pleasure to be here for the union of Kate and Ryan’. Next sentence: ‘we’re delighted to be here to witness this special day’. He clearly wasn’t getting very far with it, (although he was on the right track, bless him!) so I decided to stick my oar in, and ended up writing his speech for him.
Below is a tweaked version of the speech, with a few bits removed. I hope it helps anyone in need of a bit of inspiration. (I should add that the speech went down a treat; my father had so many compliments about it that he joked he’d start to offer speech-writing classes to anyone who needed them…!)
Here is the speech:
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen. On behalf of my wife Sally and I, I would like to welcome you all to this very special occasion, to celebrate the marriage of our daughter Kate to Ryan.
We would like to begin by thanking Liz and Daniel for their fine son Ryan, and we would also like to officially welcome Ryan to our family.
It’s great to see family and friends here, especially those who have made a special effort to be here, so thank you all for coming. A massive thanks to everyone who has given their time and effort to help make this day such a lovely occasion. And let us think of those who can’t be here today.
Today I gain a son-in-law, he gains a wife, and my bank manager starts talking to me again…
Kate looks lovely today, doesn’t she? It is hard to find the right words to express how I feel today – extremely proud is an understatement. Kate you have achieved so much and grown to be a beautiful, outstanding young woman. You have been the perfect daughter. Kate, you spelt perfect wrong!
Despite your phases of getting your eyebrow pierced and trying to hide it from us, sitting in your room and blasting the horrible sounds of the Spice Girls [Sing: I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want…] and spending all your weekends in the West End getting up to mischief. Still, they made you who you are today I am proud to call you my daughter and I know Ryan will be very proud to call his wife.
Ryan, as Kate should have explained to you a few weeks ago, this is the beginning of another kind of headache. But thank you for getting us all here today – Kate always insisted she was never going to get married, so this is a great feat. I remember when you told us about your proposal once you came back from China – Kate was so happy she had tears welling up in her eyes. Ryan, we’re glad Kate has found a partner in you.
I would also like to ask you Ryan, what did you do to the shopaholic daughter we raised? A while after she started seeing you, all the shopping trips died down and she wasn’t buying clothes every weekend. Whatever you did, we thank you!
Final note to Ryan, as you probably already know, Kate is going to harass you until you buy her a cat, we know, we’ve heard it for the last 24 years, so good luck with that one!
Last but not least anyone here who wishes to help out a happy but now poor father after paying for this wedding, please feel free to give a donation in cash, cheque or bank transfer.
I know that Ryan has chosen well and wish him and Kate everything they need for a long, happy and prosperous future together.
So ladies and gents, I’d like to ask you to raise your glasses for Mr and Mrs Moolie.”
/// The Curious Londoner 